Being sick makes you think.

I feel better today. The past couple days I've just been sleeping and resting to get better. I feel so bad that I havent' been at school, especially because from tomorrow, I only have 8/9 days left!!! Oh no!!!!!! But I'm in no shape to stand up in front of my class especially since I'm squeaking out sounds from my throat. And all the other symptoms.

I've decided to work on a short composition time with my kids. I want to get to know their dreams and goals, and MAYBE maybe work on some funding program. It's just an idea,but it's worth thinking about.

Being sick gave me a lot of time to reflect, to just think more about why I'm here. I had no choice but to lay in bed, because getting off of the top bunk and walking a ping pong table's length knocked the wind out of me. I realized that one reason why I've had such mixed feelings about my school is because of the sadness I expressed in the post below. Instead of facing reality, I found myself closing away from it. Fight or flight...... and I chose flight, the easier of the two. I found me, Becky who came here to volunteer, closing myself away because I just didn't know what I could do.

I've been trying so hard to live the experiences of my friends' travels. But I need to make this journey own. There's no right amount of time to stay, no right things to see, the right things to accomplish while I'm here. I am here for a mere month, I have seen one of the most beautiful landscapes and natural wonders, I have been volunteering at a school of need. I have a better hang of getting around Nairobi, I have wittled away prices through bargaining, I've paid for my students meals. I've even gotten medical treatment here.

There have been so many things that I've done in my life, that I've regretted doing just because of not feeling ready. But as I was kneeling on the couch, leaning to stare out the window, a smile crept up my lips because I do know I was ready for this trip full on. I am already laughing at my stories, sharing pain with my students, wondering if I'll ever come bakc again. I remember just not too long ago, I swore I'll never put myself in a developing city again. But strange enough whenever I come up to Wanyee Road, when I see the familiar corn roasting stand, the internet cafe, I feel at home. I like sitting next to the computer and not have to request the Christian radio station and not feel awkward to sing and harmonize with the radio because everybody else is doing it.

I wonder if this is how it feels to move to a foreign country. There was a movie I watched with Eli once, the Namesake. The wife is brought over from India, and her first meal is cornflakes mixed with peanuts, and some reddish spice. Her terror at the new environment, the utter reality that she was to call this strange land, her home. I can only relate on a slight level at what this woman must have experienced, along with my own parents, and thousands of thousands of millions and billions of immigrants looking to provide something more for the next generation. That's some tough people. Admirable. Thank you Amma, thank you, Appa. You mean the world to me.

The only place where I've seen weak family relationships has been home. I think it is also like that in Canada and developed Europe. But everywhere else, you grow up with family, spent time with family, get old with family. You stick up for each other, you get them out of trouble, all that. It's not shameful to go back home when married, it's just considered taking care of each other. I understand why my parents wanted me home so early, when my other friends would just go out to do whateve I pleased. It's still something I'm learning to accept, but I'm so much more proud of what my family has kept going.

Oh, and I really hope that my major change is going to work. I can't seem to register for the last two classes.... and one of them is closed. But the more I've been here, the more I'm sure I'm meant to teach Biology. I'm going to make it work.

On a lighter note, I'm much darker now. Thank you, Mr. Sun, you are looking gorgeous today!

Kwa heri!
Becky